I know that there are a lot of people that are going through something similar to this or some other devastating challenge. It may be the end of a marriage or someone dealing with a physical or emotional aliment. For all of those challenges you’re dealing with I’m sorry.
The reason that I’ve decided to write this blog is because there were a lot of times that I felt absolutely alone. I was depressed and angry and felt hopeless. I did not know where to go. It’s my hope that by sharing my story, it will give those of you going through your own struggles that knowledge that you are not alone.
We knew we were going to lose the house. The writing was on the wall and it was just a matter of time. Even knowing that, when I got home from work that day and saw the foreclosure notice on the garage it knocked the wind completely out of me. I felt like I had been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. I stepped to the side of the house and lost it. Michelle and the girls hadn’t seen the notice yet and I had to break the news to them. First I had to compose myself. I needed to be stoic and reassuring. Michelle and I needed to provide the kids with a sense of stability. We needed to make sure that they felt secure. But how was I supposed to do that when things were anything but secure?
They were giving us 30 days to move out.
You see bankruptcy is very much a psychological challenge. Everything about it denotes failure. It was a reflection of my inability to provide for my family. As a man, and like most men, I have always prided myself on my ability to provide. That is my job….. my responsibility. This bankruptcy represented an attack on my inadequacies. My inability to fulfill my responsibilities to the ones I love.
I went into the house, found Michelle, pulled her into our bedroom and told her. We hugged each other and cried. You see, at that moment it wasn’t about us and it wasn’t about the house. It was about the kids. We both felt like we were failing them. They didn’t bring this onto themselves, we brought this onto them. It was a rough day.
We decided not to tell them that day. We had 30 days to move and we needed to think carefully about where we were going to go and what we were going to say. However, that night sitting there in that house that was no longer ours, we sat with our girls and talked and laughed about what had happened to them during the day. Kenna described to us the new moves she was learning for the high school drill team. Mady filled us in on her little boy crush. And Bella just laughed and giggled the whole time because……..well, that’s Bella. We had a lot to be thankful for.
The lesson that I learned from that is to be thankful for what I have today. Somehow or another tomorrow will take care of itself. Many of you are probably like me; you look at your life in terms of where you’re going to be in 5 or 10 years. Its common, we all look towards the future, but in the process often times forget the present. How many times in our daily lives are we so rushed that we forget to enjoy the moment? Today will come and go but we don’t even realize it because we’re so focused on tomorrow. Savor the moments we have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.