WHY YOU ARE AWESOME

WHY YOU ARE AWESOME

To be candid, I always assumed that I would have my life figured out by now. I would be well established in my desired profession, successful beyond recognition and well respected among my peers. After a successful day of slaying dragons in the business world, I'd go home to an almost "Leave it to Beaver" home life where I would walk-in and be greeted warmly with a passionate hug and a kiss from my adoring wife who, by the way, has fixed an immaculate dinner, and my children are all seated around the fire completing their advanced homework assignments in calculus and biology for the following day. But real life is so very different and honestly so much better. Life is truly a beautiful mess!

If you're like me, some days its just enough to make it through without throttling somebody. The alternative is to become a hermit and hide up in the mountains where no one can find you, living off of tree bark and wild berries.........one can dream, right? Please tell me that I'm not the only one that has had these thoughts!? Anywhoooooo, life is complicated, and it can certainly be overwhelming. But, with that said I am so blessed to have the life I have. I have a wife that I absolutely love and adore. It certainly hasn't always been that way, we've had to earn it. I have three daughters that remind me everyday, when I look at them, that there is a God. That doesn't mean that they're perfect, some days I'd like to ship them off to labor camp deep in  Siberia, not forever mind you, just for a few years. Don't get your underwear all bunched up! 

The point is this, and its the same point for all of us, life is challenging but its also rewarding. We need to learn to celebrate our victories even if there small and even though we may consider them to be inconsequential. Nothing is inconsequential! Every little decision we make leads us on a path to our next decision.
Do I tell my wife I'm sorry when I've hurt her feelings, or do I dig in and act like a $#!#@#% to make a point? Once again please tell me I'm not the only one that has done this, I'm feeling a little vulnerable here. 

Do I take the time to tell my daughters how amazing they are or do I nag them about the boys they're dating? Just kidding, I'm sure he'll be wonderful as soon as he's paroled. 

How do I conduct myself in my work environment? Do I respect the people I work with? Am I honest in my dealings? Do I recognize that they are doing the best they can, just like me? Each little choice, each little action leads to another choice, a re-action. You cannot drop a pebble into a lake without creating a ripple.  

What I have come to understand is just how amazing we all are, and regardless of the tremendous efforts we put into creating the appearance that our lives are perfect, we all are doing the best we can. Sometimes that's all we can do; act like we have it together. But I've come to believe that our strength lies within our ability to embrace our imperfections, to laugh about our screw-ups and to try to treat one another the way we want to be treated. I certainly suck at it, but at those times that I have been able to do it I have felt a peace like no other. I guess the key is to not take ourselves so seriously. Isn't it amazing to realize that life is beautiful if we want it to be, or its ugly and dark if we choose it to be? Perspective is everything.
In each one of us lies the divine desire to be happy. That happiness is coupled with a divine potential. I frankly don't care about the anti-religious sentiment that says "if there is a God then show me. Once I have proof I'll believe". My proof is the human soul and the unquenchable longing that exists in each one of us to love, that burning desire to make a difference and a conscience that is unique to us that tells us the difference between right and wrong.
I believe that each one of us has a song to sing, a Monet to paint, a masterpiece to complete. That masterpiece is our individual lives. Through life's challenges we are stripped of everything seemingly important and forced into direct experience. That is when the real beauty begins and the artwork of our lives commences. When we choose to be stripped of our pride, when we let down our guards, when we see the unique beauty that lies within each one of us individually and embrace it, we are released from that prison of self. Why are you awesome? Because you are! No one can take that from you so start to believe it and go out and create your masterpiece.



         

A Season of Change

A Season of Change

It was Christmas of last year. The snow was lightly falling outside. Large flakes were slowly floating down to cover the ground in pure white. We were comfortably sitting inside watching the beauty of this amazing season unfold in front of us.

We certainly didn’t have much. We had just gone through losing our home and we were preparing to file for bankruptcy. The realization that we had to start over was slowly sinking in. But somehow, on that day, things seemed right. Our girls were happy, we were together and as a family unit I felt that we would be able to face our pending challenges and overcome them.

Watching our three daughters adjust to our new reality made me proud. They asked for little and they seemed happier with less.

After they were asleep Michelle and I would talk about how we thought the girls deserved more. How we felt we had failed them. Then the question arose, “Deserve more of what?” The girls certainly hadn’t asked for more. We had imposed a sense of guilt on ourselves for not being able to give them the kind of Christmas we felt we were supposed to provide. As I reflected on that, I understood that I was dealing with a sense of guilt and failure for where my life was currently. I believed that I deserved to be unhappy. I believed I deserved to feel like a failure. Self pity is a harbinger of untold misery.

I also knew that if I didn’t change my thinking, if I didn’t change my perspective, that my emotions would continue to cripple me. I was exactly in the place I had chosen to put myself, and I would continue to be there until I chose differently.

I had to take a step back. I had a choice to look at things differently. I needed perspective. Like all of us in life I had come to a crossroads. My life’s choice was I could either focus on the set-back and the disappointment or look at the gift I was given, the opportunity to change. I had the opportunity to learn and grow and create something new in my life. Circumstance had forced that on me. Was I up to the task? Was I willing to learn from past regrets? Was I willing to forgive myself and move on?

Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “Men live lives of quiet desperation.” How true that is. I know countless people who live by the belief of, “if only.” “If only I had this I would be happy.” Or, “if only this happened I would be happy.” It’s cultural; it’s what we are spooned fed everyday by the entertainment we consume and the moronic celebrity culture we live in.

One absolute in life is we will go through many trials and many disappointments. But ultimately our happiness is our own responsibility.

However, that doesn’t change the fundamental question. Why do we live lives of quiet desperation? I think it’s because we live life in a state of regret or fear. Regret for what could have been, fear of failure. That regret or fear quickly metastasizes into guilt and ultimately a life of frustration and quiet desperation.

This is not to say that there won’t be circumstances forced on some of us that are completely out of our control. It does not minimize the pain or the challenges that will be presented. It also doesn’t change the fact that we are meant to be happy. We are meant to “find joy.” That is a God given blessing........ a God given personal responsibility. No one else can be in charge of your happiness. It is meant to be that way so that we learn to value our personal initiative, our free will.

This Christmas lets look beyond the mark and celebrate it for what it is, a time to be thankful for our God given blessings, not only for what we have but also for what we can become. It’s a time to prioritize and commit to a life that is greater than ourselves. A time to dream of what we can become, what we can accomplish and the differences we can make; the lives we can live. This can truly be a Season of Change.  

As always thanks for reading my blog and please share it with anyone you think it might help.

Merry Christmas and God Bless

Scot Boley

scot.boley@gmail.com