I know that there are a lot of people that are going through something similar to this or some other devastating challenge. It may be the end of a marriage or someone dealing with a physical or emotional aliment. For all of those challenges you’re dealing with I’m sorry.
The reason that I’ve decided to write this blog is because there were a lot of times that I felt absolutely alone. I was depressed and angry and felt hopeless. I did not know where to go. It’s my hope that by sharing my story, it will give those of you going through your own struggles that knowledge that you are not alone.
We knew we were going to lose the house. The writing was on the wall and it was just a matter of time. Even knowing that, when I got home from work that day and saw the foreclosure notice on the garage it knocked the wind completely out of me. I felt like I had been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. I stepped to the side of the house and lost it. Michelle and the girls hadn’t seen the notice yet and I had to break the news to them. First I had to compose myself. I needed to be stoic and reassuring. Michelle and I needed to provide the kids with a sense of stability. We needed to make sure that they felt secure. But how was I supposed to do that when things were anything but secure?
They were giving us 30 days to move out.
You see bankruptcy is very much a psychological challenge. Everything about it denotes failure. It was a reflection of my inability to provide for my family. As a man, and like most men, I have always prided myself on my ability to provide. That is my job….. my responsibility. This bankruptcy represented an attack on my inadequacies. My inability to fulfill my responsibilities to the ones I love.
I went into the house, found Michelle, pulled her into our bedroom and told her. We hugged each other and cried. You see, at that moment it wasn’t about us and it wasn’t about the house. It was about the kids. We both felt like we were failing them. They didn’t bring this onto themselves, we brought this onto them. It was a rough day.
We decided not to tell them that day. We had 30 days to move and we needed to think carefully about where we were going to go and what we were going to say. However, that night sitting there in that house that was no longer ours, we sat with our girls and talked and laughed about what had happened to them during the day. Kenna described to us the new moves she was learning for the high school drill team. Mady filled us in on her little boy crush. And Bella just laughed and giggled the whole time because……..well, that’s Bella. We had a lot to be thankful for.
The lesson that I learned from that is to be thankful for what I have today. Somehow or another tomorrow will take care of itself. Many of you are probably like me; you look at your life in terms of where you’re going to be in 5 or 10 years. Its common, we all look towards the future, but in the process often times forget the present. How many times in our daily lives are we so rushed that we forget to enjoy the moment? Today will come and go but we don’t even realize it because we’re so focused on tomorrow. Savor the moments we have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
Wow! I am so incredibly touched by your complete honesty and humbleness. Everyone is struggling and it is so difficult to let our pride down and let our true trials and pains show. Thank you for sharing. I am so very sorry you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for taking the time to read it. It really means a lot to me. Life certainly is a journey some of it good and some of it bad. I certainly would change things if I coul, but I wonder if things were different would I have laughed with my kids that night? I'd like to think that I would of but I don't know.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for reading it. I truly appreciate it.
Warmest Regards,
Scot
Guess we've all been to a place we'd rather not go ... After all ... that's why I too started a blog ... I am touched by your story ... but more so by your courage and honesty ... Nothing ever stays the same ... like the tide rushing to the shore and out again changes are inevitable and we have to take the journey with them ... It's how you respond to the changes that counts ... I have no doubt that you will grow in strength and wisdom for you have love in your life and in your heart ... and most of all because you were brave enough to reach out ... Look forward to the new adventure and not backwards - you will be fine! My best wishes
ReplyDeleteYou have a lingual gift like your sister Melis! I am sorry for your losses. However I applaud your response to them. Bless the children for guiding you into the future!
ReplyDeleteHow very true. Don't overlook the little things that mean so much. Tomorrow will take care of itself. When one door closes, another one opens. Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYour posts resonate with me. Life is a struggle for us all in different ways. I lost a home and all of my possessions once during a 100 year storm in December 1996 here in Washington state. But no one I loved was hurt and I was fine and it taught me many lessons about what is really important in my life. 5 months and 11 days ago now, I lost my husband to cancer. Yesterday my son and I attended a day camp for children who have lost a parent and I saw so many people whose lives have been shattered like ours by the loss of a loved one. And though it was difficult to be there my son and I both gained from this experience. I read a quote that I just loved yesterday....don't tell your God that you have a big problem, tell your problem that you have a big God. I love this and it reminds me that no problem is too big when it is shared with God or with our fellow man. Thanks for sharing your experiences, your positive outlook, and your love for your family and life! I wish you all the best and hope that each day brings more blessings to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
Jill Norwood
Seattle, WA.
Dear Scot, been there and done that several years ago. I was so ashamed of losing my home that I moved myself into a small one bedroom apartment without the knowledge or benefit of my parents, son or sisters. Only one of my most trustworthy friends knew and helped me with the largest pieces of furniture but I did the rest myself over the course of a week after I'd worked all day. My parents found out several weeks later when my former address showed up in the foreclosure section of the classifieds. Oh, how the tears flowed. I went through all of the things you are going through and more. But please believe me, it will sting for a while but you'll be so busy trying to get your new life organized that the pain will go unnoticed at times. A lot of the things that are not availiable to you right now will be in about a year or two. I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing your story. Although it reminds me of a very painful time in my life, I found an inner strenght that tells me I can move on some tough times and come out on the other end a better person. I no longer live in that one bedroom. I moved to a hugh 2 bedroom last year and I'm moving again to a even bigger 2 bedroom duplex. I have had the opportunity to purchase a home after my credit improved but I've decided against it. My son has also learned from my experience. He is grown now and very cautious about his money. I thank God for that. I wouldn't want anyone as miserable as I was during those dark days. You and your family will be just fine. Believe me, I know.
ReplyDeleteDear Scot, thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to reading your future entries. So sorry you and your wife had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteDear Scot, I found your blog on lilybean's blog (she of course is great!). You are a very talented writer which will make it very enjoyable and easy to follow your blog. Your story is as you know very common and unfortunate and I hope you touch a lot of lives with your encouraging words. That quote about not knowing where you're going, you might not get there is one I had never heard and will pass that on to my children's young families. There is something to be said for us not to have things go our way, working through problems unexpectedly, events we didn't anticipate. The more life lessons we experience, the beter person we become. Congratulations on your new blog, I wish you well. Pam
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