GET UP AND LIVE

            I was racing against time and I knew it. On a last minute trip to Southern Utah I found myself on the road from the small town of Kanab to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. I had never been there before and I didn’t know when I would have the time to make the trip again.

            It was late October. I got on the road at about 4:30 that morning to make the 140 mile trip to get to the North Rim in time to experience the sunrise. Little did know that this was going to be a pivotal experience in my life helping me to recognize the importance of choosing to live in the present moment.

            As I headed South on the winding dark road, a storm was slowly brewing. I never realized the elevation of this formidable country. Snow slowly started to fall and the wind picked up. As some point in my journey I passed an electric road sign with flashing letter’s indicating that this was the last day the North Rim would be open until the following spring.

            I didn’t see another person, not even a park ranger the whole way, and with the snow slowly falling, I thought about turning around more than once. With trepidation I decided to push on knowing that I would not have this chance again for quite a while.

            I pulled into the parking lot just as the sun was cresting from the East. It was truly a dreary late fall morning that would have been uneventful anywhere else. Most people would only look up long enough to realize that the sun was not going to show its self today.

            The parking lot was empty and I was all alone. The cabins were all locked up and the place was in its final stages of preparation for the long winter months.

            I followed the path and walked to the observation point overlooking what has been described as one of the “seven wonders of the world,” astonished by its amazing beauty and sheer depth. The wind was blowing so hard I had to hold my tripod steady to stop it from blowing over. And then it happened, just for a moment the sun came out and added a little bit of color to this amazing scene. I stood in absolute awe of this magical and spiritual place, feeling a peace and sense of purpose that I have become akin to only when experiencing the great vastness of the outdoors and the natural beauty that we are blessed to have around us.

            Then, it dawned on me, out of 7 billion people on the face of the planet I was the only one seeing the sunrise from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. At first it was hard for me to really comprehend that fact. I was the only one on the face of the planet that was seeing this sunrise from this spot. I was overwhelmed by a sense gratitude and appreciation. That experience has affected me every day since that morning. It also taught me one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT!

            You see, what I’ve realized is just how numb we as a society have become to live life in the moment and to its fullest. The truth is as we get older, we become more set in our ways. We get up at the same time every morning and follow the same routine. We go to the same job every day and complain about the same people and the same mundane tasks. We go home at the same time every night and watch the same sitcoms every week instead of living life in the moment and then we wonder why things aren’t different. The old adage of “crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting results,” is absolutely true.

            My question to you is this; if you had a chance to do something different in your life that you believe would make you happy, would you take the risk and do it? Are you willing to change something for something better? What are you willing to give to feel alive?

            Now that I’ve laid that question out there, let me preface it by stating that you have a chance everyday to do something different and live in the moment. The only thing that is stopping you is you. I’m not talking about packing a bag and disappearing in the middle of the night, but I am talking about doing something every day that makes you feel alive.

            Too many of us are either trapped in the past or worried about the future and because of that we choose to not live in the present. The fact of the matter is simple; we are either busy living or busy dying. There is no alternative so which is it going to be?

            The reason I bring this up is because I have been there. I have squandered opportunities of happiness because I was consumed with the past. I have neglected chances for present day fulfillment and meaning by excessively worrying about the future. It is easy to become consumed by all of the things that we can’t control. In so doing, we essentially limit our ability to find peace and happiness in the present. Take a moment today to look around you and see all of the magnificent blessings that are in front of you right now. Seize the moment…….seize the day.

WHY YOU ARE AWESOME

WHY YOU ARE AWESOME

To be candid, I always assumed that I would have my life figured out by now. I would be well established in my desired profession, successful beyond recognition and well respected among my peers. After a successful day of slaying dragons in the business world, I'd go home to an almost "Leave it to Beaver" home life where I would walk-in and be greeted warmly with a passionate hug and a kiss from my adoring wife who, by the way, has fixed an immaculate dinner, and my children are all seated around the fire completing their advanced homework assignments in calculus and biology for the following day. But real life is so very different and honestly so much better. Life is truly a beautiful mess!

If you're like me, some days its just enough to make it through without throttling somebody. The alternative is to become a hermit and hide up in the mountains where no one can find you, living off of tree bark and wild berries.........one can dream, right? Please tell me that I'm not the only one that has had these thoughts!? Anywhoooooo, life is complicated, and it can certainly be overwhelming. But, with that said I am so blessed to have the life I have. I have a wife that I absolutely love and adore. It certainly hasn't always been that way, we've had to earn it. I have three daughters that remind me everyday, when I look at them, that there is a God. That doesn't mean that they're perfect, some days I'd like to ship them off to labor camp deep in  Siberia, not forever mind you, just for a few years. Don't get your underwear all bunched up! 

The point is this, and its the same point for all of us, life is challenging but its also rewarding. We need to learn to celebrate our victories even if there small and even though we may consider them to be inconsequential. Nothing is inconsequential! Every little decision we make leads us on a path to our next decision.
Do I tell my wife I'm sorry when I've hurt her feelings, or do I dig in and act like a $#!#@#% to make a point? Once again please tell me I'm not the only one that has done this, I'm feeling a little vulnerable here. 

Do I take the time to tell my daughters how amazing they are or do I nag them about the boys they're dating? Just kidding, I'm sure he'll be wonderful as soon as he's paroled. 

How do I conduct myself in my work environment? Do I respect the people I work with? Am I honest in my dealings? Do I recognize that they are doing the best they can, just like me? Each little choice, each little action leads to another choice, a re-action. You cannot drop a pebble into a lake without creating a ripple.  

What I have come to understand is just how amazing we all are, and regardless of the tremendous efforts we put into creating the appearance that our lives are perfect, we all are doing the best we can. Sometimes that's all we can do; act like we have it together. But I've come to believe that our strength lies within our ability to embrace our imperfections, to laugh about our screw-ups and to try to treat one another the way we want to be treated. I certainly suck at it, but at those times that I have been able to do it I have felt a peace like no other. I guess the key is to not take ourselves so seriously. Isn't it amazing to realize that life is beautiful if we want it to be, or its ugly and dark if we choose it to be? Perspective is everything.
In each one of us lies the divine desire to be happy. That happiness is coupled with a divine potential. I frankly don't care about the anti-religious sentiment that says "if there is a God then show me. Once I have proof I'll believe". My proof is the human soul and the unquenchable longing that exists in each one of us to love, that burning desire to make a difference and a conscience that is unique to us that tells us the difference between right and wrong.
I believe that each one of us has a song to sing, a Monet to paint, a masterpiece to complete. That masterpiece is our individual lives. Through life's challenges we are stripped of everything seemingly important and forced into direct experience. That is when the real beauty begins and the artwork of our lives commences. When we choose to be stripped of our pride, when we let down our guards, when we see the unique beauty that lies within each one of us individually and embrace it, we are released from that prison of self. Why are you awesome? Because you are! No one can take that from you so start to believe it and go out and create your masterpiece.



         

STUBBORN TO THE POINT OF BEING STUPID

STUBBORN TO THE POINT OF BEING STUPID

The sun rose slowly through Mesa Arch in Canyon Lands National Park. I’d never been there before but I heard that it was magnificent. The low light reflected off of the canyon walls and turned the mesa a golden hue. I felt alive; I felt a spiritual connection……..one that I experience often when I’m outdoors. I felt that I was on the right path. I do some of my best thinking out wondering around in the vast openness all by myself. It gives me an opportunity to escape from all of the distractions, all of the meaningless noise. It gives me an opportunity to connect with something larger than myself, remembering who I am. Remembering that I have a higher purpose.

On that day I learned something valuable. Still struggling with my personal challenges, I felt calm and at peace. I felt a gentle hand leading the way. The question popped into my head in a light-hearted, slightly sarcastic tone, “Are you stubborn to the point of being stupid?”  Taking in a deep breath of the sweet mountain air in that beautiful place, I was being nudged to be objectively introspective. The answer was resoundingly, yes. I was holding on to the past; How things were, how it was my fault, how I was a failure………BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, the list goes on and on. What I wasn’t doing was making the choice to focus on the future an all of the possibilities it holds. Self-pity does that to a person. It saps the ability to look forward with hope and joy and forces us to wallow in the misery of the moment. Don’t get me wrong; I love to feel bad for myself just as much as the next guy. I play a great victim, but there comes a time when we all have to put our big boy pants on and start living the life we are meant to live. One without regret, one with purpose and joy, filled with the determination to live life to its fullest, cherishing the wonders of life’s beauty and learning valuable lessons from past challenges. It all comes down to choice, as it should. All things are determined by the choices we make. We are awash on the sea of life and our ability to navigate amid life’s numerous complexities is determined by what we choose to do at this very moment and all of the moments that are ahead. I was choosing to hold on to the past so stubbornly that I wasn’t willing to see the path of my potential future. I was stubborn to the point of being stupid.

Life is the culmination of the choices we make. Every choice has a ripple affect; some large and some small but they’re there none the less. One key to a happy, fulfilling life is to let go of what we can’t control and choose to enjoy the ride. Robert Brault said, “The definition of an optimist is someone who isn’t sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play.” To go one step further, whether life is a tragedy or a comedy is determined by what we choose it to be. It’s determined by perspective.

Its spring now and life is doing what it was pre-determined to do. The snow has melted and the world is awakening from a long winter’s slumber. Spring flowers are in bloom, birds can be heard whistling their soft melodies and the fields and corrals of farms are filled with newborn calves and colts as they learn to stand on their own. Life for them is as it should be, its simple. Why do the flowers bloom? Because the must. Why do the birds sing? Because they can. However, for many of us, we choose to focus on the bad and not recognize the many wonderful blessings and gifts that we have been given. Why? Because we choose to! Let it go, life is filled with unlimited joy and opportunity we just have to reach out and pluck it……..the tree is in bloom.

Get Busy Living

            Are you happy? Do you feel alive? Are you fulfilled? Do you wake up in the morning looking forward to another day, or do you wish you could just close your eyes and go back to sleep? Is your life filled with hope and wonder or regret and disappointment? If you are not taking responsibility for your own happiness and well being who is? The answer is no one, it’s your responsibility.  

In the movie, Shawshank Redemption, one of the main characters is released from prison after spending 40 years of his life behind bars. Upon his release he realizes that through his life in prison he has become conditioned to have all of his decisions made for him. He’s forgotten how to live. His ability to make decisions for himself were taken away.  

After being paroled, he falls into the dreary routine of going to his job every day as a grocery bagger and then wondering home to sit alone in his little apartment. His life has become his personal prison without walls. Life for him has little meaning or purpose, he’s simply going through the motions. He realizes that he must make a decision, if he chooses to stay everything will remain exactly the same and he will continue to simply exist. If he chooses to leave his future is uncertain. He will have to take responsibility for his life and the unknown that awaits him. However, he also recognizes the potential that awaits him if he so chooses to pursue it. Either way the choice is his and only his to make. He decides the risk is worth the reward; he takes responsibility for his future happiness and makes the bold proclamation “either get busy living or get busy dying.”

Life is like that. I have certainly found myself facing that same predicament as I am sure most of you have. Whatever condition our lives are currently in, whether it’s the life we want or the life we don’t want, it is the life that we have created for ourselves. Yes, there are outside circumstances and conditions that affect everyone one of us, but how we deal with those circumstances and conditions is our sole responsibility. That is the ultimate power, to control one’s self. It is a power that very few people master, but those that do master it live lives of complete abundance. Their happiness is not predicated by what they have or don’t have, how they are treated or not treated, or by the current circumstances or challenges they may be facing. Their happiness is based on their state of mind and their willingness to take full responsibility for their lives and the declaration, through their choices, that they will take positive steps to move forward and face the uncertainty that we all must inevitably face. That is the price of happiness, personal accountability.

It is my unwavering belief that we are so that we might have joy. It is not a guarantee; it is a gift that must be earned. We earn it through the lives that we choose to live each day, the impact we have on the people around us, the love we show our families and the commitment and dedication we attempt to live our lives by in making today better than yesterday.

I believe in the power of the human spirit. It transcends our physical limitations. It is what elevates us to see beyond ourselves and recognize the inalienable power that they have to be the source for goodness and light and intelligence. Choose to be, it’s up to you.  

Reason for Hope

Reason for Hope

            I had a friend ask me yesterday why I have decided to share the challenges my family and I have faced over the last couple of years through creating this blog.

           

Without any condemnation or judgment he simply told me that he would be too embarrassed to share his personal failings and struggles with people that may turn around and criticize him for his public admissions. After our conversation, I asked him if it would be okay to use our discussion in the introduction to this post. He kindly obliged and here you go.

           

I used to be extremely embarrassed about going through bankruptcy and the many hardships we have faced along the way. I have always been self-reliant and proudly self-employed. I considered myself to be someone that people could go to for help rather than someone that needed to be helped, and then everything changed.

           

Like many of the struggles we face in life, mine has been an eye opening, pride swallowing experience. I can’t necessarily compare my challenges to those that other people face, my only contextualization has come from my own state of mind; where I was compared to where I am now. It’s through that emotional context that I have been able to relate to other people and their challenges.

           

The reason that I have decided to blog about my experiences is twofold, one it is cathartic for me to do so. There is truly an emotional release that occurs after I write down my experiences. It’s like slowly releasing air out of a tire. The second is by sharing my experiences I have discovered that all people are dealing with some kind of a challenge. I remember driving down the road one day and I saw this family at a stop light, as I watched them I thought, “They really have their act together. They’re not a complete failure like me.” Upon reflection however, I realized that I had become extremely good at hiding my problems. I had put on a happy face and hid behind this mask so that people wouldn’t really know what was going on with me. Maybe this family was good at doing the same. The true problem is that we have been conditioned to hide. We not only hide our challenges, we hide the life lessons we’ve learned through enduring those challenges that we all face in life. I decided I was going to throw it out there; I’m tired of wearing the mask. If describing my challenges and the lessons I’ve learned helps someone else then it’s worth it. If it doesn’t resonate with them in some way they’ll quickly become bored and move onto something else.

It’s my contention, that especially in the challenging times we live today, people need hope. That hope is not going to come through some loud mouthed politician telling us that some proposed new bill is going to make a difference, or watching countless hours of television in a mind numbing attempt to simply be entertained out of our challenges.

The solution although difficult is very simple; take responsibility for own lives and realize that our lives, our very futures, are what we choose to make them. Secondly, serve one another. Hope is fostered when people know that they are cared about by other people.

The world is an incredibly challenging place. The moorings of safety that we all long for have been washed away. That does not mean that hope is lost, it means that we must choose to be hopeful! Tomorrow is new day, no blemishes, no scares; it is what we choose to make of it. We must choose to seize the day; we must choose to seize the moment.

It's Your Life, Take Control of It.

Everyone of us faces adversity. The purpose behind this blog is to chronicle my own challenges, and at the sametime share the insights that I've gained through this process.

I believe that it's through our most difficult challenges that our character is is honed. (The hottest fires make the strongest steel.) Whatever the challenge is, it is unquestionably going to have an impact on us. It's up to us to determine whether that challenge becomes a stepping stone to greater things, or a step back to further despair. Its entirely in our control.

I certainly don't have all of the answers, but I know that there are certain truths that apply to us all. These truths can help us not only overcome adversity, but create the lives that we want for ourselves and our families.

A few weeks ago I read an article about how frequently our brain transmits new thoughts. The human brain transmits approximately 6,500 new thoughts a day. That is a new thought almost every 4.5 seconds. I started to wonder, how many negative thoughts do I have on a given day. I decided to be my own guinea pig and do a little experiment. I went and bought a clicker. For those of you who don't know what a clicker is, its the little thing the counters hold as you walk into a Costco. Their job is to physically count how many people come into a store. My objective was to count how many negative thoughts I have on a given day. I stopped counting at 500 and I hit that number before noon. I realized I was consumed by negative thoughts. Those negative thoughts were a manifestion of how I felt about myself and were reflected in how I carried myself.Needless to say, I realized that if I didn't change my thought patterns I was going to continue struggle with my circumstances. I may not have control of my circumstances, but I do have control of my thoughts and how I deal with my circumstances.

The next day I decided to flip it around. How many positive thoughts do I have in a given day? Maybe they balance each other out.

That first day I counted only 42 positive thoughts. Take into consideration that I had to consciously be aware of my thoughts, so I'm sure that I had more positive thoughts then that throughout the day. None the less, it's easy to see that my dominate thoughts patterns were negative. How could I possibly began to rebuild my life when all I could see was the negative.What the mind focuses on is exemplified in how we live.

Do you know someone that is so insufferable that everytime you're around them you are emotionally drained? Their demeanor exudes a sense of dread and unhappiness. The sky is always falling. It's my contention that they act that way by choice. Subconsciously they have decided that it's easier to be miserble than to be happy. Let's be honest, human nature is to focus on the negative and not the positive. It's easier to ridicule and criticise than to help and build up. It's easier to focus on all that is bad rather than everything that is good. It truly takes effort to be happy and positive.

Life is filled with challenges for us all. Success and happiness depends on the person that is willing to accept the bitter with the sweet. How can one possibly recognize the light if they haven't experienced the dark? All  things, good and bad, begin with a thought. The thought precedes the action. The action precedes the outcome. The outcome in all of our lives will be determined first by our thoughts.

My assignment for you this week, go and buy a clicker. It may be the best investment you ever make. As I said in an earlier blog post. It is our individual responsibility to "know thyself." At the end of the day, we have true control over only one thing, that is ourselves and how we respond to any given situation. That response begins with a thought.

As always please feel free to share this with anyone you may think this might help. Also please contact me with your own thoughts and feelings.

Warmest Regards,
Scot Boley   

The Foreclosure Notice

I know that there are a lot of people that are going through something similar to this or some other devastating challenge. It may be the end of a marriage or someone dealing with a physical or emotional aliment. For all of those challenges you’re dealing with I’m sorry.

The reason that I’ve decided to write this blog is because there were a lot of times that I felt absolutely alone. I was depressed and angry and felt hopeless. I did not know where to go. It’s my hope that by sharing my story, it will give those of you going through your own struggles that knowledge that you are not alone.

We knew we were going to lose the house.  The writing was on the wall and it was just a matter of time. Even knowing that, when I got home from work that day and saw the foreclosure notice on the garage it knocked the wind completely out of me. I felt like I had been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. I stepped to the side of the house and lost it. Michelle and the girls hadn’t seen the notice yet and I had to break the news to them. First I had to compose myself. I needed to be stoic and reassuring. Michelle and I needed to provide the kids with a sense of stability. We needed to make sure that they felt secure. But how was I supposed to do that when things were anything but secure?

They were giving us 30 days to move out.

You see bankruptcy is very much a psychological challenge. Everything about it denotes failure. It was a reflection of my inability to provide for my family. As a man, and like most men, I have always prided myself on my ability to provide. That is my job….. my responsibility. This bankruptcy represented an attack on my inadequacies. My inability to fulfill my responsibilities to the ones I love.

I went into the house, found Michelle, pulled her into our bedroom and told her. We hugged each other and cried. You see, at that moment it wasn’t about us and it wasn’t about the house. It was about the kids. We both felt like we were failing them. They didn’t bring this onto themselves, we brought this onto them. It was a rough day.

We decided not to tell them that day. We had 30 days to move and we needed to think carefully about where we were going to go and what we were going to say. However, that night sitting there in that house that was no longer ours, we sat with our girls and talked and laughed about what had happened to them during the day. Kenna described to us the new moves she was learning for the high school drill team. Mady filled us in on her little boy crush. And Bella just laughed and giggled the whole time because……..well, that’s Bella. We had a lot to be thankful for.

The lesson that I learned from that is to be thankful for what I have today. Somehow or another tomorrow will take care of itself. Many of you are probably like me; you look at your life in terms of where you’re going to be in 5 or 10 years. Its common, we all look towards the future, but in the process often times forget the present. How many times in our daily lives are we so rushed that we forget to enjoy the moment? Today will come and go but we don’t even realize it because we’re so focused on tomorrow. Savor the moments we have today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

The Beginning

July 23, 2012

It is with much trepidation that I have made the decision to start this blog. I have come to the conclusion that we live in a hyper-sensitive society in which, out of embarrassment, we often times hide the most pivotal experiences in our lives. We publicly celebrate our accomplishments and victories, but hide the experiences that make us who we are. With that said, I open myself up to whatever may come from this. It is my absolute belief that through our greatest challenges we become our strongest selves. I do this to share my challenges and the invaluable lessons I’ve learned from them.

I’ve decided that laughter truly is the best medicine. Looking back on it now, some of the experiences I’ve had over the last few years are absolutely hilarious. If it were someone else telling me the story and they were good natured about it, I would find it completely amusing. With that said, I also know that truly comes down to perspective. My perspective has changed drastically through my experiences and frankly a light bulb has finally gone on. It’s like stepping out into the warm sun after a long winter lull, or the first time I kissed my wife; it’s exhilarating. Quick disclaimer, just because I used that example of kissing my wife for the first time, does not mean it’s not exhilarating when I kiss her now.

For the record, I like quotes. I will periodically use them if I think that it will help me clarify a point. One of my favorites is by that astute purveyor of the English language Yogi Berra.

 “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going because you might not get there.”

 Huh, what? I know, although that statement makes little sense on the surface, it describes perfectly where I was. I was lost and I didn’t know it. I had done all of the things I thought I was supposed to do to get to where I thought I wanted to be in life just to realize that I really didn’t know where I wanted to be. How’s that for a run-on sentence?

Let me describe to you my career path.  I have spent my entire professional career working with some of the largest retailers in the world, helping them formulate commercial real estate strategies for their businesses growth. My expertise was helping these companies successfully execute their growth strategies by helping them understand the demographic patterns and spending habits of the Rocky Mountain Region. I’m good at my job. However, when the market started to collapse it happened fast. Plans for expansion were tabled and in the process my business began to dry up. I was in a state of panic. That was 2008.

Luckily Michelle, my wife, had built a successful business and I felt fortunate that we could continue to build that while my business slowly turned around.

That all changed quickly. Michelle’s business literally burned down four days after she received her Christmas inventory. The Landlord was replacing the roof and one of the contractors had dropped a cigarette butt into the rafters. Before we knew it the whole building was gone. We we’re in trouble.

That was the beginning of my personal transformation. I was thrust into a very uncomfortable situation, and my carefully crafted life began to unravel. Thus began my education, learning the most valuable lessons I could ever learn.

Two years later after having lost everything, our automobiles being repossessed, our home foreclosed on and filing for bankruptcy, Michelle and I still have the most valuable gift one could ever have. We have each other and we have our three wonderful daughters. Life continued on and I had learned some valuable life lessons that I could only learn by growing through this hardship. Looking back on it now, I feel so fortunate to have gone through this experience. I would not see things the same way unless I had experienced this.

I am going to continually update this blog with my stories and the lessons I’ve learned. Please email me, scot.boley@gmail.com or message me on Facebook and I promise I’ll respond. Also, please share this with anyone that you may feel this might help.

Yours Truly,

Scot Boley